Everybody look down.

It started with a low light. Next thing I knew they ripped me from my bed, And then they took my blood type. It left a strange impression in my head. You know that I was hoping That I could leave this star crossed world behind, But when they cut me open. I guess I changed my mind

And you know I might Have just flown too far from the floor this time, Cause they're calling me by my name, And the zipping white light beams Disregarding the bombs and satellites

That was the turning point
That was one lonely night

The star maker says it ain’t so bad
The dream maker’s gonna make you mad
The spaceman says everybody look down
It’s all in your mind

Now I’m back at home and I’m looking forward to this life I live. You know it’s going to harm me
So hesitation to this life I give

You think you might cross over. You’re caught between the devil and the deep blue sea
You better look it over Before you make that leap

And you know I’m fine, but I hear those voices at night. Sometimes, they justify my claim
And the public don’t dwell on my transmission
It wasn’t televised

But it was the turning point
Over the lonely night

The star maker says it ain’t so bad
The dream maker’s gonna make you mad
The spaceman says everybody look down
It’s all in your mind

The star maker says it ain’t so bad
The dream makers’s gonna make you mad
The spaceman says everybody look down
It’s all in your mind

My global position systems are vocally addressed
They said the Nile used to run from east to west
They said the Nile used to run
From east to west

And you know I’m fine,
but I hear those voices at night
Sometimes

The star maker says it ain’t so bad
The dream maker’s gonna make you mad
The spaceman says everybody look down
It’s all in your mind

The star maker says it ain’t so bad
The dream maker’s gonna make you mad
The spaceman says everybody look down

It’s all in your mind

It’s all in my mind
It’s all in my mind

"Spaceman" by the Killers

For such a great song, this latest album from the Killers was a real let down. I wish this was the only song I heard from their 2008 release. I do not know which feeling consumes me more; if, as a fan, I am pissed at this mediocre shot in the dark. Or if, as an artist, I sympathize with hitting a wall when having to meet deadlines.

So, for those who don't have a lot of time, or money (supposing you still buy c.d.'s), just get this single if you can, the rest can sadly be forgotten about.

On to other things.

I think, aside from spinal tap, I got the most painful shot available yesterday. After suffering from tendinitis for the last five weeks, I decided to go down to my doctor and get a cortizone steriod injection. I've had one before, but for other reasons. After waiting an hour and a half I finally get to sit down with doctor Jaffe, a kind, middle aged general practitioner. We talked for about twenty minutes on the causes of my injury, future prevention, and current solutions. I took curtain number 2, the injection.

The last time I had a cortizone injection, it was about 3 cc, maybe a little more, and the shot went into my hip, relatively painless. But for tendinitis, no, it goes directly into those delicate tendons that keep your bones and muscles connected.

The doctor tells me the cortisone shot for tendinitis is injected into the sheath to allow a more acute and quicker healing. I didn't mind so much the thought of the procedure, thinking it might be a little painful, but it couldn't be that bad. 10 minutes later he comes back in with a syringe that's half filled with the steroid, a white, thick looking substance. My eyes bulged, my throat dropped into my stomach, and I about walked out of the office without saying a thing. But I stayed, thinking the healing would be worth any pain I was imagining. I'm not sure if I was right by that judgment. Jaffe injection 2cc's in one spot, and 1 cc about 3/4 inch toward my elbow. Within 5 minutes, my arm was numb, my face was pale, my breathing labored, my blood pressure dropping rapidly. in 10 minutes, my hand had turned a purplish blue, and my stomach wanted to empty all of its contents from the last three days. It's not the shot that hurts, it's no worse than changing string on a guitar and poking your fingers with a thin string's end. No, its the liquid being injected, and how much room it has to disperse, the rate it is ejected.
I think I sat in the office waiting room for 25 minutes before I could leave. lovely.

Today, my wrist is bruised and sore from the excessive fluid floating through my body. Hopefully in 8 days the pain will be completely gone, I can continue healing, and get back to one of the few things that has given me a true sense of motivation and purpose in this life.

In ten and a half days I'll be freezing my butt off next to a gas fireplace that isn't on, somewhere in north central Ohio. Not that such an event is to be loathed, I am quite anxious to hurry home. It took me 2500 miles of separation and countless lost friendships to understand what it is that family means.

Things with Sara are going very well. It was very difficult for me to move past the last relationship. I had convinced myself a long time past that I was over it, that things were long gone over and that possibly it never existed in the first place. Little did I know or see how that not only had the fallout not disappeared, but had trickled down with subtle but destructive force over time in into all too many aspects of my life. Amazing how little it all matters now.

solidity, solidarity, peace, comfort, understanding, affirmation, compromise, prayer, encouragement, sarcasm, patience, all new adjectives to an elusive idea known as "love."

One last hope
To rise and break away
Above the fading line
Way beyond the ties that bind
This I know
The risk is worth the gain
It's worth the sacrifice
Way beyond the ties that bind
--alter bridge

Being with her has shined a much needed light on old phantoms, on things of the heart not dealt with. At first it scared me, but then I realized I was seeing the end of all the things that should not be. I've heard it said that it takes one relationship to get over the wreckage of the last, and in many ways I know it's true. With her hand in mine, the past matters little, only the lessons learned.

I'll never long for what might have been
Regret won't waste my life again
I won't look back
I'll fight to remain:

On this day I see clearly everything has come to life
A bitter place and a broken dream
And we'll leave it all behind
On this day its so real to me
Everything has come to life
Another chance to chase a dream
Another chance to feel
Chance to feel alive
--alter bridge