Be known for your love.

As I sit here in the Library again, contemplating what to write in this box, I have to laugh at how easily I will write just about anything.  There have been some interesting developments in my life the last few weeks, but nothing is in any way certain. I will spare details for the sake of someone else. So, for what I was going to write, I am going to leave blank, because unless you really care, it makes no difference. 

"                                                                                 

     

                                                                                           ."

Yesterday I played too much without taking time for breaks and appropriate stretching, resulting in a a very fatigued right forearm. Fortunately the pain is gone today, but I've not been able to play for fear of causing something more permanent or destructive. I am back into the habit of listening to Dream Theater again, and am now actually able to play the damn songs, which makes it 100x better and more fun. A couple hours of that yesterday did me in.

I went to church for the morning service today. A first in a very long time. A baptist church in hollywood, with less than 60 people in attendance. There was little that was reminiscent of the baptist churches I attended in WV. Even though this church is a member of a more conservative circuit of churches, they understand the value of loving people, sound doctrine, and worrying little about the rest. 

"Be known for your love." 

A sentence said quickly, but still resounds in my head and my heart today as the evening settles in. 

Thrive

it is not merely survival that gets one through life. Survival is giving into mediocrity. Survival is a statement of the fear of death, but also the same fear aimed in the direction of ever doing something greater and better.

 Living in LA, especially downtown Hollywood, has been exceptionally difficult to adjust to. More times than I can count I've seriously thought about packing up and jetting back home. But then I think of all the people I've grown up with, who have not done much with their lives, nor aspire to. An employer who told me I would not be able to pay the bills playing music. I think of the life I would have settled into had I not chosen singleness. Unfulfilled and immature, closed minded and boredom would be my attributes on display. I never want to look in the mirror and see dreams smoldering, turning to cold ash, because I was afraid, I was unable. I have seen it many times before in others. Eyes heavy with the guilt of bad choice. Then I remember what it is that I am doing, and what I am after. 

I have to laugh at myself as I think of a past life that offered me almost nothing of intrinsic value, and yet I am running to a future as elusive smoke from a fire. 

You must learn to thrive on the journey toward your end goal. When your friends fall silent, communities disappear on horizons, when only foreign lights guide you along the streets at night, realize you and you alone make your decisions, the responsibility is yours. Influenced by anyone else, and you could be fooling yourself. Settling for a moment means possible failure. 

Dont for live your life in doubt, at least you will have tried.