I think of all the times I am standing on middle ground. Like many phases of my life, there is a soundtrack to accompany. Today, well, this morning, this night, its goo goo dolls. The sound relates to color of the mood. I'd rather be practicing all hours of the day, instead of getting through classes and practicing until my wrists flare up, which I hope is more than 2 or 3 hours. No such luck today, and so once again I am left with all too many hours to contemplate my life and all the decisions. Treating them like the end all to my existence, which certainly they are not.
I sat in with a band tonight, it had the feeling of somewhere between an audition and trying on sweaters at the outlet stores. I rather enjoyed it, playing with other musicians, people I either had never met or hardly knew, yet all connecting through original songs. We all went out for coffee at starbucks afterwards, the time now being 8:30. For the first time, I felt like I was part of some community at school. Some patchwork connection of decent and fun people who were content to talk and laugh with and at each other.
I guess feeling neutral about everything is the closest to content that I can become for now. It sucks having to coast through the rest of the quarter, just so I don't permanently injure my arms. But when I was playing all day, I had no time to think, that was a nice change from the previous 7 months. I guess what I'm trying to get at, is that while it's important to take time for yourself, to love yourself and take care of the gaps causing pitfalls, eventually you must move away from it, and turn your hand to that task which is most at hand, get back to work.
Life is so strange, when you dont know. how can you tell where your going to? you cant be sure of any situation, something could change, and then you wont know. Where do we go from here?
it seems so all too near, just as far beyond as I can see. I still dont know what this all means to me. I have no where to go, I dont know what to do. And I dont even know the time of day, I guess it doesnt matter anyway.
Life is so strange, destination unknown...something could change, its unknown, and then you wont know. Destination: Unknown
from smashing pumpkins
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
"I guess what I'm trying to get at, is that while it's important to take time for yourself, to love yourself and take care of the gaps causing pitfalls, eventually you must move away from it, and turn your hand to that task which is most at hand, get back to work."
I suppose I find myself in the opposite situation right now, colour coded google calendars and all. So many thoughts and reflections flit through my mind throughout the day, whether as I while away the time at my assistantship, sit through five hours of class, answer directional questions about the library and the location of the restrooms, or plowing through another dozen pages of a textbook. There are times when I am really hurting to sit down for an hour and dump everything into a journal, but time is so scarce that even when those hours are open in my calendar, there are ten things clamouring for my attention. And if by some miracle of scheduling I have a brief respite, it is far too easily claimed by the demands of my body for rest, as you know all too well.
... aaaaand I should be working now. :/
Post a Comment