It's complicated alright, but it makes me happy

I would have thought that since my wrists have started to give out more frequently, I would have more time to write, read and blog, but somehow time escapes me. I blame the internet, now that I am paying for my own wireless in my apartment.

Last night, sara and I went to the beach for a few hours. The off season from the tourists is a nice break. We enjoyed the power of the ocean through hearing its waves crash, its silent tide washing out, the scent of the brine, its mystery, the display of lights from the city, the moon high above, and each others reassuring presence. Those hours, I seemed so far away from all the troubles in my mind, the pressures from an encroaching future, the work to be done at school, the fragmented past friendships, emotional burdens long carried beyond their natural dwelling, all these things faded away into the blackness of the western, ocean soaked horizon. The flashbacks that recently have been plaguing my mind, subsided as she rested in my arms, shivering in the cold. Nothing mattered as it began to sink in, that resting on my chest was the truest friend I've had, that through the fading light in my eyes, she still saw the hope in my better days. Thankful that I've finally come around, and that she hadn't given up on me.

So much remains uncertain, as even now our busy and or constrained lives prevent us from seeing each other but once a week. It makes mondays longer to get to, but more worth waking up to and sitting through. I guess this is the insert about "it's complicated" but I dont even know what that means. Of the few people I've talked to about the way things have been progressing, a common theme keeps getting repeated "Well, Dan, It's been a long time coming..."

She has come into my life like a gentle breeze from summers long past, summers long ago spent while I was unaware of the turmoil ahead. Fresh with the scent of peace and calmness, happiness, friendship, companionship, the world put away at a distance.

The tide chased our heels as we tried to walk on the packed sand. Past the birds spending hours playing in the waves at night. We walked past candle lit couples lost in each other's shadowy gaze, through long spaces of beach absent of humans in a city crowded. Our hands held tight together, sheltered in her jacket pocket because of the cold so-cal November night. We were as I suspect we long ago should have been.