Today has been a day of retrieval. Regaining lost ground. Eventually the past has to die. No one is ever born a bitter person in nature, it merely becomes a part of your life. And just as so, it can be wiped away.
It was drive, it was motivation, it was an unabashed admittance of what I really wanted that drove me out to MI. For the longest time, well, the six months I've been here, I have been struggling to remember what rationality I had in my quest in coming to MI. I have discovered again today what it was. It was not rational, it wasnt something planned, it was not method, process, deduction, induction. It was point, pretend like I'm aiming, and shoot.
While at the CMC I experienced dedication, motivation, the drive to accomplish much. An environment where I was not allowed to be timid, something I have once again assumed. During my vocal lesson yesterday, my Teacher, who all lovingly call "Mama O" pointed out that I am timid in my voice, in manner of singing, and that my talking is very relaxed, something that must be changed. The more I thought about it, the more that I realized that not only was my voice timid, but so is my life, One of the many things that has made adjustment to this new life so difficult these many months. It will take many weeks of exercise and stretching of the voice and the muscles of the throat to allow them to open and allow their full strength to resonate.
As I hurried through my first sets of Live Performance Workshops, I remembered what it was that brought me there to that moment. I once again found the thrill of performance, the joy, the fun. I played a country song, and later learned to line dance. At the Reggae performance, I learned the song within five minutes, and was on stage a half hour later playing it. Since monday I have been at school for more than 29 hours, I have three more performances at the school this week, one is optional but highly encouraged. I will have a total of 6 performances, and 7 songs next week, with 8 more weeks to go after that. I have no choice but to be motivated at this point, and strangely it feels natural, it feels like something I have missed for a very long time. Learning at a frightening pace, playing until my fingers and arms ache, pushing myself harder and harder. This is just the distraction I need.
It is good to have this back, to be focused and persistent to something that could put my life in the realm of success in music, something that is long overdue. Too long have I tried to remain unassuming, quiet, patient.
I came here to kick ass and take names.
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I guess some of us are content to be unassuming, quiet, and patient (at least outwardly). Much as I thrived at the time on the mad rush of CMC Lives and heated last minute arguments backstage with managers who failed to complete their stage plots, I enjoyed more the time spent upstairs in the lodge debriefing during the post-show meetings; the late hours of arguing over how to break it to an artist that they would, in fact, be performing that week and not swapping with another; the moments of whipping out a schedule or a sign-up sheet or some other needed piece of paper.
To each their own, I suppose.
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